Challenging conversations are the lifeblood of performance improvement and problem-solving for managers at all levels.
Unfortunately, too many managers delay conducting these conversations
out of fear of reprisal or because they believe the conversation will
jeopardize their relationship with the other party. It is essential to
gain control over those emotions and the best way to develop confidence
for delivering difficult conversations is to follow a structured
process.
In a prior post, I outlined tips to help you plan for success with your next challenging conversation. In this post, I offer guidance on engaging and managing the conversation.
10 Tips for Improving Your Comfort with Difficult Conversations:
1. Do the planning work. Go back and review the guidance in the first post in this series.
Your observation of the behaviors in question, and your ability to
connect those behaviors to the business, are essential. Know where you
want the conversation to go.
True feedback masters develop the discipline to
write out and practice their planned conversation opener. Prior
planning prevents lousy performance!
2. Timeliness is essential.
If you have ever received an annual performance review that included
criticism of something you allegedly did or did not do a few months ago,
you know how worthless stale feedback
is. It is your job as a manager to ensure that the feedback is
behavioral, business-focused, and timely. My writing partner for my
first book, Practical Lessons in Leadership, suggested that the value of constructive feedback declined by 50% every day you delayed giving it.
If
emotions are hot, let things cool a bit. While I just finished
imploring you to provide timely feedback—as close to the incident as
possible—if things are heated, take a day to let them cool down a bit.
Just do not let it linger for too long.
3. Choose the setting.
If your tough topic is potentially embarrassing or you anticipate an
emotional response, avoid open-office settings or conference rooms with
glass windows. Do not err on the other side by selecting a setting
designed to intimidate. A neutral, private setting is best for more
difficult conversations. If you are fearful of physical repercussions,
consult with your H.R. representative who may decide to be present with
you.
4. Prepare your attitude. It is essential to
go into these discussions with a feeling of confidence and a demeanor
that shows you are calm and committed to a positive outcome. Your tone
of voice, body language, and eye-contact are all important. Remember,
this conversation is important for your business, your team and the
individual sitting across from you. Manage yourself to portray the right
level of resolve with the right level of concern for the other party’s
welfare.
5. Use the opening sentence you prepared in the planning session.
A good opener identifies the behavior, links it to the business’
impact, and indicates the need for change. Do not feel compelled to wrap
it in praise. While some feedback practitioners appreciate “sandwiching”
constructive feedback with positive, many believe this simply confuses
the message. And, of course, you should be giving positive feedback—when
earned—early and often.
6. Do not lose control of the conversation.
More than a few well-intentioned managers have found themselves upside
down in these conversations. If the participant responds to your opening
statement with something such as, “Well, I would have done that if you
were a better manager,” do not get defensive and let the conversation
turn into an argument over your performance. A reasonable response might
be, “John, this conversation is about the behavior I described and the
impact it has on our business, not about my performance.”
7. Do not be derailed by waterworks. I have had both men and women cry
in front of me, and while uncomfortable, it is often the individual’s
way of responding to stress. Be prepared with a tissue. Allow time for
them to compose. If needed, take a brief break. You can be empathetic
with the situation, just do not let the tears derail your focus on
getting to the right resolution.
8. Promote a dialog. The best feedback and behavior-focused conversations are
discussions, not monologues. The other party will give you openings to
create a discussion where appropriate. Probe to confirm understanding
and ask for ideas on strengthening or changing the behavior in question.
You know it is working when the receiving party offers ideas on his/her
own improvements.
9. Remember to work towards your planned direction for the conversation. If
the behavior is a skill or knowledge related one, come prepared with
ideas for training. If it is coaching to bolster confidence or encourage
the individual to take the next step, put on your coaching hat. If the
topic is focused on an unacceptable behavior, reiterate the business
impact of the behavior and offer clear counseling on avoiding this in
the future. When dealing with the most difficult topics of performance
or behavior, there must be implications for non-compliance.
10. Build an action plan together.
Once you have gained clarity around the issue, work together to define
the way forward. Agree on a plan of action and set a clear date to
follow-up and discuss progress.
The Bottom-Line for Now:
In
my original post, I shared the secret that most managers are stalling
on conducting what they perceive will be a difficult conversation. The
other secret is that most people want feedback and want to improve. In
poll after poll in my workshops, individuals overwhelmingly express that they wish their managers would give them more feedback—both constructive and positive.
Instead of delaying these performance, career, and business enhancing
discussions, plan for success and use the process and tips above to help
you strengthen your own performance with this critical management
tool.
source: about.com
