By Elizabeth McGrory
Working Moms Expert
A boundary is what you set up to protect yourself. A personal
boundary is put up by you, it’s your boundary, or limit, and it’s
personal. There’s no need to announce the boundary has been set in your
head. But when the day comes that where someone crosses this boundary
it’ll be time to speak up.
Here’s how personal boundaries work.
First, you build your rock solid personal foundation. It consists of your:
- personal and professional values
- daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly priorities
- self-care plan that you can’t resist following
- self-awareness practice
- strong emotional intelligence skills
- personal energy management
If
the above sounds like a lot of work it can be. But the great thing is
that once it’s built you are ready to take on any Working Mom type
challenge. Work/life integration becomes simpler and less chaotic.
It’s worth having a strong foundation so that you can build confidence
and courage to go after your desired feelings and goals.
Second, you begin setting up boundaries so that all the work you’ve done on your foundation is protected.
You
keep your work calendar updated three months out. This task is a
priority because it’s important to you that your team members know what
your commitment are (aka your priorities). The calendar shows you
taking the afternoon as a personal time but you hear that someone’s
trying to schedule a meeting. Personal boundary BREECHED! What do you
do?
Using the A-E-I-O-U assertiveness technique you approach the meeting leader with something like this:
Acknowledge: I understand that you want to schedule a meeting this afternoon for our big project that we’ve all been working hard on.
Express: I
feel like I would have a lot to contribute but I’ve had this afternoon
planned with personal time three months ago. This time off is
non-negotiable. If the meeting is held this afternoon I will not be
able to attend.
Identify: If the meeting can be
postponed until tomorrow morning I would like to help you run the
meeting and keep the meeting minutes (meaning take notes during the
meeting about what’s discussed).
Outline: With these
meeting minutes it should help us with our project management. They can
be saved on the server so that everyone isn’t searching through their
inbox for data.
Understanding: I’m really excited to
contribute as well as hear where everyone stands. Organizing the
meeting minutes will be a great way to keep others motivated to take the
next steps in their project. How does this sound to you? Do we have
an agreement?
Sticking up for your boundary sets future
expectations. It shows that you want respect for the work you put into
scheduling your work and personal life. Being assertive takes courage
but it's a great way to defend your boundaries.
Last, keep
updating and setting boundaries. This will always be a work in
progress. When you feel like a boundary was just crossed but no
boundary has been defined it's time to give the feeling some thought.
What within your personal foundation has been threatened? What, within
your control, can you do so that your foundation is not rocked again?
Put the boundary into a sentence such as, "If I'm asked to work when
I've scheduled a personal day I will say no and give an alternative".
This boundary thus gives you direction. You have action that you will
take once the boundary has been set.
Now I want to hear from you!
Do
you have any personal boundaries that you've set or that you want to
set? What is holding you back?
source: about.com
